Summary – My life
Raised in a violent home mother had left my dad because he was an alcoholic moved from West Texas to East Texas, there she found second soon to be husband who owned a couple of bars was a bookie as well and loved the ladies was also an alcoholic, from the beginning I didn’t like him he didn’t like me this was around 7 years old I was the oldest had a younger brother. The day they were married, I called him by his name he took me out of view of the family said you should call me Dad and I replied but you aren’t my dad, he hit me as if he were a grown man, he asked who am I and I replied with his name. This was the beginning
After many beatings being told would never amount to anything I was worthless couldn’t do a thing right, can remember him beating me because I wasn’t digging a hole right in the dirt with a shovel.Just to give an example, I was the scapegoat, is very hard to break the cycle of thinking. It would take me a life time of drugs alcohol and jails to do so, to name a few.
I found my answer drugs and alcohol with them I could escape they made me powerful not caring, I would be the scapegoat and I would be damn good at it I quit being scared that lost child.
I will write about bits and pieces as they come to mind, please be patient with me I am no scholar writing skills are poor, my own fault really I skipped and was expelled most of my 9th grade school year didn’t learn much was so busy self Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Got a Ged in Rusk State Hospital at age of 17, I had been court committed for the 2nd time for drugs and alcohol, even today I believe they let me pass that test to boost my self esteem.
An old man told me 25 years ago he said ” son you are a story teller, use your past to help others maybe they wont make the same mistakes you made, is Gods will for us to help other see if you are helping then you aren’t hurting them.” This was the only man in my life I ever slowed down to listen for a minute, can remember first time we stumbled into each other, actually truth is I was in Alcoholics Anonymous I got a sponsor to help guide me sobering up, he saw quickly I was a little much for him I think I scared him because of some of the people I had been dealing with in the drug world they werent nice people, he passed me on to his sponsor we will call him Frank, a couple of months later that one told me I should start seeing his sponsor, he got my attention, Loren B. I heard the things he was saying to me then, but took me years to truly understand. I never really got the chance to say thank you to him he helped many. But after a year of his teachings I had to get back to my mission of self destructing after all. I was the scapegoat in my family.
I am telling my story so people can better understand my art, a self taught artist Oct 2013 taught self to weld, my life is finally making sense due to art, maybe at last I can experience some joy, maybe heal as well. I don’t want pity, or people to feel sorry for me, most of my life is poor decisions, I am accountable today. But never judge a book by it’s cover there is always more to the story than the eyes can see.
only book I can remember really loving, I couldn’t seem to put it down
The Outsiders by S.E.Hinton Dally a character in this book was my hero but maybe I am much like the brother Pony I as well am dealing with all my tragedies and frustrations by writing making them public
A man used to tell me ” Don’t give up before the miracle happens “